Brownie Husband

HAHA! sorry, i couldn't resist!! :)

brownie husband

Wondering if He Misses Me...

I have to admit something. Every once in a while, I'm caught off guard by a nagging feeling. Do you ever have a thought that sneaks up on you regarding a "someone" from your past? Wondering if he ever thinks about you...if he ever misses you...if he's totally miserable without you to the degree that he contemplates whether or not he can exist without you for even one more day... Goodness! HAHA!

Oh dear...

And then I'm left wondering why the thought even came up because clearly it was worth it to him to be done. So, wondering about the "wonderings" is quite pointless...

Just saying...there are those moments...for which chocolate was clearly created. :)

My "Short" Rule...

Gosh...I'm so sorry to say that I have a...dating prejudice. AHHH!

It's...the short man.

I know that it's probably not right, but I'm freaking 6'1"!! Every time I'm around a little man, it makes me feel like I'm Ginormica in "Monsters Vs. Aliens". Clearly an insecurity of mine...but not one that I can get over. It's strange because I don't feel that way at all around my shorter female friends, but then again...I'm NOT dating my female friends!!!

So, this guy asked me out the other night that was...shorter. Well...very short. And, I'm sorry to say that I just couldn't. I knew that there'd really be nothing to make me ever "eventually get used to it", so I didn't even leave the door slightly ajar. I was nice...but I didn't do the "Oh, I'm busy tonight...maybe another night?" thing.

Is it ok to have our little (big) items of "Heck No!"?? Gosh, that's one that I just can't see moving past...

Don't be the Manipulator

I've been watching a relationship situation play out lately, and it's left me with a validated conviction...

I don't ever want to be a manipulator of my Mr. Right...EVER!

I don't want to have to be strategic to get my way or to mess with him to "make him pay". No, I want to be able to be "me" and let him be "him"!! And I hope that we can both value honesty and support!!

Stop Making It Easy

I've been thinking about something lately. A guy I loved a lot...and how I used to work overtime to make as much as possible "easy" for him.

And 20/20 hindsight is making me wonder why in the world I ever did that...

I think women are classicly plagued by two entirely different challenges...all at the very same time. We wrestle with being "too much" and "not enough". Having this internal struggle alongside the desire of finding Mr. Right is a recipe for disaster. And in my case...it became about making everything as "easy" as I could so that he never had to deal with the burden of "me". Maybe so he would also stay???...could be.

What a colossal CROCK!

Men are truly wired to step it up in the pursuit of the feminine heart...at least, a man who isn't passive is. Our mystery...and our challenge...is necessary for him as much as ourselves. It calls him out into a fantastic adventure of the heart...WITH US!

So...don't you ever be "easy".

I did...I was always available. I was always accomodating. I always listened. Rarely challenged.

It SUCKED!

At least...I became more aware of how much it sucked by the end. And once I saw it, there was no undoing it. There was nothing delightful about "easy", and there was no more pursuit in him to believe I was actually more. No matter how much I tried it was the "norm". I was "usable", and anything beyond "easy" was shot down. So, the last "easy" thing I did was to finally walk away. I gave him the easy out so he didn't have to worry about how to close things off.

Come to think of it...all the work of making it "easy" for him was actually extremely difficult for me. I couldn't be myself, and while not being physically alone, I was desperately lonely. When I really and truly wanted to change...it was too late and unacceptable.

So...let me say it again...don't you ever be "easy". Your mystery is so key to who you are...wonderful you!

An Amazing Lady

I thought I'd put this out there...it's a very interesting blog. This young lady decided to go to Africa to help a particular group of orphaned children. She's only 20! Oh...and she's also the adoptive mother of several little girls. Her latest post is about how she decided to part ways with her fiance because she feels God is continuing to call her heart to Africa. What an amazing lady!

Challenging Blog

Break Even

Man, I've been on both sides of this song!!! It's been on my mind lately.

Single Lady Valentine's Party

This year, I decided to throw a dinner party for a few of my single friends as a Valentine's Day celebration. One thing we all have in common is that we each desire to find a man someday...BUT...aren't just desperate to find any warm body. It was SO good to be with other ladies that understand what it is to have an unmet desire but still have a great love for God and a passion and drive for our particular dreams. Thriving in the midst of desire. So, I highly recommend doing something like this! Not only is it good for the heart, but it's great and hilarious fun!! Comparing blind dates???...my sides still ache from laughter! :)

A Nice Reminder

A friend posted this today on Facebook, so I thought I'd pass it along to you!

On this day, God wants you to know...
...that your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and melt all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. God loves you with the very air you breath, the very light that touches your skin, the very ground that supports you. Love is everywhere...

Sometimes Wynonna Just Knows

Letting go of the Best Friend

And now for something...difficult...the boy who became the "best friend".

It just sort of happened because we both were in circumstances where we needed someone. So, we helped each other. It was full of bumps and mistakes. But...there were moments where I felt totally safe. Those moments invited me to open up...and if you are familiar with "girl" even remotely, I began to love him as my closest friend. Well, when he decided he wasn't interested in "more", this girl had to do something to save her extremely open heart. I had to because I want so much more than a seat on the sidelines of someone else's life...you know? I want a man who can be my best friend and so much more...

It's been very interesting...and heartbreaking. God has been so good to help me close the door of my heart more and more. It has taken a lot of time because it's something that doesn't feel natural...but it's been happening. Every now and then I discover another string connecting myself to him. One that I have to figure out how to snip...:( But, the seperation can and does happen.

And someday you breathe again...someday you laugh again...someday you dance again.

There's a verse that says, "Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." It's so true!...It's our most valuable possession. So...from someone who has had to work very hard to recover it, take care of your precious heart. It's meant for someone who wants more...:)

A Note about the "Marrieds"

I think when I talk about the "Marrieds" sometimes it seems like I'm saying that all of my married friends basically view me with pity.

So not what I mean at all...

Certainly it's the ones that do think that being married is the "It" of life that I refer to...

But, I have to say that I certainly have been richly blessed with true friends...who are not driven by circumstances in their approach to my situation, dreams, etc. Isn't that great?? Oh my goodness...to have friends and family that can be real to me...and expect that from me as well...without it having to do with anything other than our love and respect for each other..well, it's wonderful.

So, my advice for you...love the people in your life who are more than the roles and responsibilities of their lives. And...be that kind of person too!!!

My Best Friend's Wedding

Sometimes, I run across movie clips that I can so relate to. Here's one from the Julia Roberts film, "My Best Friend's Wedding".

Single Ladies by Beyonce

The Blind Date Chronicles...Part 3

But THEN there was the carpenter...

I don't know if siblings just know better, but my sister hit a home run with this one. Even though it didn't end up working out, he...was...great!

He was what I call a "Step Towards" kind of man. He put a little pursuit into the mix...he aimed to get to know...me. On my first date with him, he showed up on his motorcycle because he knew that I really wanted to ride one someday. I got a terrible burn from the exhaust pipe, but to this day, I love that scar. :) The dinner that night was really simple...pizza and Diet Coke. His reasoning??..."These are two things that I know you like so far..."

For some reason, these tiny detail things??...well, I was eating it up! Up until that point, I'd never had a man want to know...me.

So, cheers to the carpenter. It was nice to see how I looked in his eyes. :)

The Blind Date Chronicles...Part 2

Then there was on-line dating...

OK...I actually am not against this form of meeting people. There are a lot of nice guys out there. However, there are also some belonging to the Quirky Club.

The Pilot...

So, I had a profile on eharmony.com. My sister and I were surfing the options one night when we happened upon a face that was familiar to her. As we delved into his profile, she realized that she knew him from a charity dinner. As such, we typed up an email asking if he was affiliated with the organization that she suspected.

Well, he replied.

Specifically, he wanted to go out right away!!!

I should have known the instant I saw him. He looked at me like he was hearing the "Sound of Music" in stereo. He wanted to see the movie "Amazing Grace" before going to dinner. On the way into the theater, he commented that the last movie he'd seen was "The Nativity" about 6 months earlier. I kept my mouth shut because the last movie I watched was "Saw". Enough said there.

After the movie, we went to eat. He filled me in on all of his thoughts on relationships and how hockey exemplifies the perfect scenario. Oh yes...it gets better. He said that hockey is just like love...the men out playing while the women cheer them on from the stands.

Well...my kind of hockey is co-ed...on the ice and in the stands.

After dinner, I headed home. He called my cell to make sure I was getting home alright...that was after about 4 minutes apart.

Then he emailed.

I replied.

Then he emailed again. Want to know his question?

After knowing him for TWO WEEKS, he wanted to know if I was on board with moving towards "forever".

Eeek...two weeks?? So, I told him that I probably wasn't ready to make that kind of call right now.

Yep, I broke the poor guy's heart.

Why did he have such gusto??...the email about my sister recognizing him was a "sign" that I could be the one.

Poor guy...

The Blind Date Chronicles...Part 1

Hahaha! I hate to say it, but even though they are more consistently traumatic, going on a few blind dates is...entertaining. ;) Ok, well, 'entertaining' in the months after your shock and terror has worn off. HAHA!

So, I'm going to tell you about a few of mine...

By the way...have you ever wondered what your friends were thinking when they set you up with certain people??? They seem to think it's going to be a "Grrreat" idea...and when it's over, I'm left wondering if my friends really like me in the first place. :)

First...the cowboy.

Pre-date Information: Nice guy, a little older.

Umm...well...he was actually nice...and he was actually...older. A lot older! Of course, older is sometimes nice because an older man tends to know about manners and chivalry. Seems really great...until you see the belt buckle. A buckle larger than the moon! Add to that the shirt unbuttoned to the fourth hole with chest hair crying out for liberation...I think it actually waved at me on several occasions. The conversation was good, but he mostly talked about how great it was going to be to introduce me to his mother...after one blind date.

Well...that was a "no"...

Share Your "Self"

This seems a little ironic compared to my last one, but it's really not. Women tend to be relational in nature...it's a wonderful gift. :) We also have amazing gifts, talents and desires. Why in the world do we think that all of those have to wait for a man to unlock? You wouldn't believe the women that do!!!...all of whom find out that this is not true. Certainly a partner can enter and enhance the journey, but you don't...and shouldn't...have to wait for him to begin.

So get started! Go share yourself!!!

What do you love? What do you want to learn and discover? Is there a class you can take or someone who can mentor you? Who in your life needs what you can give? Are there places to volunteer that line up with your heart-driven loves?

Even a tiny change becomes a great adventure! Enjoy!

The "Go To" Girl NO MORE!

Here's a strange notion that I've run into...some of the "marrieds" tend to think that we "singles" have nothing to do. Clearly, because we don't have the other full-time jobs of marriage and family, we just sit at home at night...bored. ;) As such, we become easy prey for the "can you do this for me?" questions or the "you should..." directives. All to fill that "free time". (I don't know about you, but there's been no such thing for me for a loooong time!)

Well...the straight shootin' is this: You are NOT everyone's errand girl! Do what you want to do! Help where you want to help...but DON'T do anything just because you've been fed the "singles have more time" bit.

Throw Yourself a Shower

Here's the rub...women getting married have bridal showers, soon-to-be-mothers have baby showers. MEN in the partnerships of both of those situations even get showers now-a-days.

Single gals???....ZIP, NADA, NOTHING! Instead, we GO to everyone's shower.

Living on my single income, I got tired of garage-saling all my household items and taking all the leftovers after roommates became engaged and received their shower gifts. So, I started saving for those fun things (and of course still grab the quality hand-me-downs and yard sale items), and every now and then I run out and buy myself a new shower gift. The other day I got my first kitchen mixer. Oh my goodness!!...That has been so much fun!

Here's another idea...get together with your single friends...well, heck, any of your marrieds too...and have a single gal shower!! You could all even do theme showers on occasion!!! OOOO...fun!

Make Peace with your "Big"

There's a show that I can't entirely recommend (but one that has great moments mixed in with the mayhem). So why am I bringing it up? One of the characters is a GREAT example of the man that we often need to "face the facts" over but often don't want to.

His name is "Big".

He's the man that shows up when he wants to and when he wants something. The interactions are usually about him, and then he disappears when he's done. And she...lets him.

Totally a situation of USING. It's perpetuated, of course, by the fear of loneliness that the woman bears. A little something is better than nothing...oh dear. To be honest...it can be a mutual using as she gets something out of it too. It may even be the hope that she will be the beauty that tames the beast...maybe so he'll turn around and rescue her right back.

Messy.

And a waste of heart.

So...it's time to make peace with your "Big". Cut things off...get your "self" and your self-respect back.

Also...take credit for your willingness to be a part of an arrangement like that. You need to be a better friend to yourself...and the men in your life.

Shall We Dance?

Yep! That's right! Dance! Get your favorite music and turn in on "LOUD". I don't care if you have rhythm or "creative movement abilities"...just dance!! :)